The last few days have been a mind screw. I have dreams and ambitions but I don't feel like running all the bases to make a home run it seems. I wait for the perfect pitch so I can release the perfect swing...it never comes.
Somedays, you just gotta swing and takes the strikes, take the walks, take the fouls and if you do connect, and hit one out of the park, take it with grace.
I know us addicts want an easier softer way, but there is none. You have to step up to the plate day in and day out.
Just for today, I will swing the bat with all I got. I will keep my eye on the ball and focus on each pitch that comes my way. I can do it, one throw at a time.
Still, I feel far away today. I want to believe but I struggle with it. I am pissed about some money owed to me. I am upset about some jobs.... screw this...
I need to count blessings. One door closes and another one opens. God has a plan. The lord made this day. God is with me and gives me the strength I need to carry out his will. Like the blues Brothers, I am on a mission from God. I need to seek knowledge of his will and ask only for the power needed to carry it out.
Man, I am tired...and feel like crap from to much sugar.
Tomorrow is a new day and I can feel like crap and stay clean. This ain't a using matter. How is that for freedom..
tracking back more on the day, I exploded on my daughter. I over reacted and scared her. No wonder I feel like crap. I have to make amends in the morning.
If recovery has done anything for me it has made me slower to anger and quicker to forgive.
What else is draining me today?
The stuff I put off has put me off...Procrastination is just like masturbation, in the end your just screwing yourself.
I need sleep...this blog sucks but I am clean, so screw it. Let it suck.
G'night
Peace be with us
Pray for those who p's u off.
Send me some positive vibes as well.
The dopeless hope fiend.
aka for those google searchers - thedopelesshopefiend
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