I have confidence as well, I aint some punk ass wimp who gets walked on and I have always stood my ground and fought my battles. Some with fists, some with words.
Power is something else though.
I am not afraid, and I feel as if I am forgiven for a lot of the things I've done.
So where does this shit stain come from?
I guess I really haven't worked the steps to the fullest. It's time to take inventory and make amends for some of the things I've done.
I wonder if all this nostalgia is because of facebook?
I have re-connected with a lot of old friends from my childhood. A long time ago, a lot of them thought I was dead or locked up for good.
Low self worth -
If your new, coming into recovery or thinking about it. The rest of your life is like living with bad plumbing. Your toilet gets backed up a lot and all that shit surfaces. It sucks at times...but even a bad day clean isn't really a bad day. You hear people say I wouldn't trade my worst day clean for my best day high and as f'd up as that sounds, it holds weight.
Using for me was like a derailment, you knew where it was going and you knew it was all gonna crash.
Being clean, is an unknown adventure, and page by page, this story changes and it seems to change for the better even when it feels like it's getting worse. Perhpas its just the spiritual principle of hope at work but it's real and it's cool. If you are in your first few days, have some hope.
My old sponsor told me something that stuck for life, he said "I've been through the worst, things can only get better" and I know what he means. No clean day, no matter how much pain or anger or anything I went through, nothing has ever compared to being at the end of my line when I was in active addiction.
Mark my words, if your clean today, the worst is over.
Peace for another 24
The Dopeless Hope Fiend
No comments:
Post a Comment